Define "chronic" masturbator.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize