your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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