i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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