hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
