I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
