Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
