Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
