if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
My liver just broke up with me...
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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