Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize