I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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