you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
