Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
