Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
