The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
