im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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