And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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