Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
