when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
handjob tips. give me some.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
