i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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