Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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