maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
