I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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