At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
