but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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