He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
