I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
