here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
