Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
