We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
