I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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