It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
