Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
wow bdsm is so cute
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
