You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
