a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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