can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Houston, we have a blender
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
