And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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