When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
