If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
