you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
tonight lets celebrate not being married
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
