i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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