I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
