There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
