Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?