he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.