I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
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I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
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So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE