Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
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I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
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I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?