i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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