did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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