Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
