I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
What drink are we having for lunch?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
