I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
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In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
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WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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