We named our party play list daddy issues
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
