She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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