I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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