why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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