I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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