so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
