so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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