i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
