Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
