my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
